I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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