I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
