Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
