It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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