Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
