Sry I called you an 8
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
