I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
