If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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