somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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