Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize