After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
