wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
