you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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