Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
