Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
