Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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