i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm like, not good at living.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
