okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
