Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
