So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
