And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
