I love black thongs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
