where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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