You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
