if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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