In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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