she woke up with a sticky ear
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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