I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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