ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
