Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize