Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
