I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize