It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize