Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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