Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
