and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have fence marks all over my body
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
