i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
