hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
