david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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