god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
