My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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