i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
