My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
