I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My vagina is officially offended.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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