I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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