she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
