Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
