This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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