I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
