I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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