the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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