small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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