I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
