Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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