he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I think I sprained my soul last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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