My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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