I understand Curling. That high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
