I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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