I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
